Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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