Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake