here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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