I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
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i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.