i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
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Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.