Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want to have your abortion
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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