He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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