I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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