new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
