So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
