cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
