if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
