after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
