i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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