So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
