yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
