Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
