I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
