True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
