well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
