i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
