i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving