just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
