Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm pants shitting drunk right now

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  (734): I'm pants shitting drunk right now http://tfl.nu/z85l
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (994)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.

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  (513): I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear. http://tfl.nu/d8gq
  Replies (31) Good night (1054) Bad night (11441)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma

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  (513): He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma http://tfl.nu/x4vk
  Replies (16) Good night (1003) Bad night (3820)
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  (943): View more from

  You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka

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  (943): You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka http://tfl.nu/wlgo
  Replies (10) Good night (5518) Bad night (940)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

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  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (8203) Bad night (1540)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.

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  (613): Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground. http://tfl.nu/deou
  Replies (9) Good night (2634) Bad night (1210)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself

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  (570): Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself http://tfl.nu/yahv
  Replies (3) Good night (1015) Bad night (1995)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt

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  (317): We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt http://tfl.nu/hqwl
  Replies (12) Good night (3292) Bad night (927)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance

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  (405): Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance http://tfl.nu/6e2i
  Replies (6) Good night (1837) Bad night (1131)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.

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  (918): Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose. http://tfl.nu/n06v
  Replies (6) Good night (1608) Bad night (653)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language

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  (763): It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language http://tfl.nu/6vub
  Replies (4) Good night (1995) Bad night (1347)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?

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  (414): I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/a756
  Replies (2) Good night (869) Bad night (523)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.

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  (201): It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned. http://tfl.nu/85cz
  Replies (5) Good night (527) Bad night (352)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)

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  (305): Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables) http://tfl.nu/t7ni
  Replies (2) Good night (681) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.

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  (602): We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening. http://tfl.nu/4cd0
  Replies (9) Good night (967) Bad night (499)

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