I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask