Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.

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  (914): Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective. http://tfl.nu/41o9
  Replies (15) Good night (664) Bad night (1922)
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  (315): View more from New York

  They're like penises that have been put in a blender.

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  (315): They're like penises that have been put in a blender. http://tfl.nu/9hz0
  Replies (25) Good night (684) Bad night (5223)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?

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  (419): I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included? http://tfl.nu/4lo3
  Replies (17) Good night (5113) Bad night (1194)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton

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  (860): I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton http://tfl.nu/cmqr
  Replies (2) Good night (3384) Bad night (873)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar

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  (580): I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar http://tfl.nu/19bx
  Replies (6) Good night (989) Bad night (2067)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.

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  (608): She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend. http://tfl.nu/4mn4
  Replies (2) Good night (2159) Bad night (612)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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  (617): So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex (773): SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard? http://tfl.nu/5vnv
  Replies (20) Good night (3476) Bad night (822)
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.

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  (+27): He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy. http://tfl.nu/pi4j
  Replies (4) Good night (1669) Bad night (821)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.

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  (734): he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur. http://tfl.nu/43r1
  Replies (6) Good night (1188) Bad night (540)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.

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  (570): I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo. http://tfl.nu/a7p8
  Replies (3) Good night (1176) Bad night (647)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru

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  (520): U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru http://tfl.nu/6qqt
  Replies (3) Good night (640) Bad night (1236)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.

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  (954): I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days. http://tfl.nu/jvfc
  Replies (1) Good night (952) Bad night (610)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me

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  (206): dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me http://tfl.nu/vdsq
  Replies (3) Good night (754) Bad night (451)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.

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  (914): Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in. http://tfl.nu/zv26
  Replies (2) Good night (447) Bad night (253)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling

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  (724): Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling http://tfl.nu/ere5
  Replies (0) Good night (349) Bad night (151)

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