Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
