Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.

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  (908): Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution. http://tfl.nu/ms1p
  Replies (2) Good night (1874) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

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  (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits. http://tfl.nu/amvg
  Replies (42) Good night (5201) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?

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  (516): is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon? http://tfl.nu/8edy
  Replies (45) Good night (5634) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.

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  (352): You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem. http://tfl.nu/rwe9
  Replies (12) Good night (5107) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?

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  (310): do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking? http://tfl.nu/6m2c
  Replies (30) Good night (2154) Bad night (10175)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.

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  (650): I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered. http://tfl.nu/k2a9
  Replies (11) Good night (4431) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...

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  (215): The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on (267): It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID... http://tfl.nu/2nuu
  Replies (9) Good night (3247) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.

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  (641): FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS. http://tfl.nu/fecm
  Replies (6) Good night (2044) Bad night (1067)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?

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  (870): Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk? http://tfl.nu/4pki
  Replies (9) Good night (675) Bad night (1136)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.

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  (785): well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo. http://tfl.nu/3cg7
  Replies (2) Good night (900) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing

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  (445): We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing http://tfl.nu/ir7s
  Replies (6) Good night (1044) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  That d should have definitely been an s.

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  (614): I just watched my mom get dick on Skype. (614): That d should have definitely been an s. http://tfl.nu/dkna
  Replies (9) Good night (1189) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (+10): View more from

  I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.

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  (+10): I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins. http://tfl.nu/va1r
  Replies (1) Good night (432) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?

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  (+44): Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry? http://tfl.nu/1i64
  Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (214)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.

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  (860): I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were. http://tfl.nu/p58y
  Replies (1) Good night (558) Bad night (356)

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