you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?