So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he told me I talked like a deaf person
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
