worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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