Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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