White coat. Heels.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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