Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
