I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
