I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You did what with his pubic hair?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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