Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
