Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
