All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
