you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
