I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
