he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we're making bets on your personal life
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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