I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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