No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
