life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
