i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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