so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
