True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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