I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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