piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
