I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
