You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
