"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
jump out the window naked night went bad
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
