she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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