If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
