I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
