my vag is so smooth its legendary
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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