My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
