She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
