Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
