what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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