Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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