someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Text me some of your sweat
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize