If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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