...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
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Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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