shes about as inviting as chlamydia
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
