He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
