I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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