if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Fuck appropriateness.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
