her vagine was all disorganized.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
