My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
