Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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