I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
