the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
