So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
