After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
