smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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