hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
