I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
