You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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