I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
