You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
