my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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