She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
